Downsize My Guest List

Stressed about the current state of the economy? There is a good chance you are facing some really tough decisions. What have we been hearing the most about? What is the best way to downsize the guest list. We know that you likely spent a great deal of time and effort creating your original guest list. We can certainly understand why downsizing it may seem so daunting. Especially when you are going from 250 to just 150. However, we can assure you, it’s absolutely possible. If you handle the situation tactfully, you won’t hurt any feelings in the process. 

First, determine how many guests need to be cut from the list.

By downsizing the guest list the cost of everything decreases. The primary goal, is, of course to maintain as much of your previously-scheduled wedding as possible. The same venue, vendors, guest list, etc. However, you may find yourselves having to switch venues or cut your budget due to recent financial constraints. Both of these usually result in a downsizing of the guest list. First, figure out exactly how many people you can accommodate. Having a firm number is essential. That way there is no guesswork involved. 

Make sure your VIPs are included, then see how many spots are left.

Start backwards. Rather than stressing over who you can cut from the guest list, start with those who must be included. Parents, grandparents, siblings…immediate family members. Then move on to your wedding party (plus spouses and significant others). From there, determine how many spots are remaining. From there, if you are able to accommodate your closest relatives and friends, add them. Build on this initial list, adding loved ones until you’ve hit the max number of guests you can accommodate.

Don’t count on guests RSVPing “no”.  

Many couples will invite more guests than they’re able to accommodate, anticipating that many of them will RSVP “no.” If you have a strict guest limit, we do not recommend doing this. You might end up with more yeses than you originally anticipated.

Communicate politely and with honesty. 

Once you have decided who will make the final cut you may need to let extended family or friends who expected to be invited why they have not been included. We recommend reaching out to these guests directly. Give them the courtesy of a phone call. We understand that these are potentially difficult conversations. We know it can feel overwhelming. In cases like this lean on your partner. Also ask your parents or future in-laws to help. Be honest and polite. Let them know that you were so excited to celebrate with them, but due to unforeseen circumstances, you’ve have had to change your wedding plans pretty significantly. Unfortunately, now that you can only host a limited number of guests. Having had to include your immediate families and wedding party, it didn’t leave much wiggle room for more. You can be as specific as you want to about the reasons behind the downsize. Just keep the conversation as brief as possible. Your guests will be pretty understanding, given the difficulty of the situation. It is highly unlikely that you will receive pushback.

Don’t focus on the gifts. 

If you’ve had to downsize the guest list, you might be wondering what to do about wedding gifts that you have already received. Do we keep them? Do we return them? In most cases, keep them. Your guests will want to celebrate you in any way possible, and will be happy for you to keep their gifts. Just don’t forget to send a prompt and appreciative thank you note!! If a friend or family member is no longer on the guest list, don’t expect to receive a gift. They may choose to send one to show support. But they aren’t required to do so under any rules of etiquette. 

Find ways to include your initial guest list. 

Think of creative ways to include your original guest list. Show your appreciation for their understanding by sending a heartfelt handwritten note. It will make them feel special and appreciated. After the wedding, share photos and videos from the big day with them. This will give them a glimpse into your special day and make them feel like they were there to witness it. If it’s feasible, plan a post-wedding gathering for all of your guests who you couldn’t include at the actual wedding. A casual backyard barbecue or a more formal dinner party are both great options. This way you can celebrate with all of your loved ones together. Or, best of all, let everyone know that you plan on having future celebrations. A one-year anniversary party or even a vow renewal ceremony! This gives those who couldn’t attend the wedding something to look forward to and still feel like a part of your love story.