10 Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

While many parts of your wedding planning can be delegated to your planner, writing your wedding vows are the most personal part of preparing for your big day. Expressing intimate emotions for your partner, even in front of a crowd of loved ones, can be a daunting task. Whether you’re struggling for inspiration or having trouble finding the just right words, we have 10 tips to help you write wedding vows that your soon-to-be-spouse will never forget!

1. Spend time with your favorite things as a couple

If you’re the kind of couple who frequently quotes movie in regular conversation or exchanges weekly Spotify playlists, spend some time with your favorite shared media for inspiration. If, as a couple, you really identify with a favorite show, compare yourselves to that TV couple’s relationship in your vows. Struggling to put your feelings into words? Consider quotes from your favorite song lyrics. Even a favorite novel or poem. Then expand upon the theme as you write.

Look around for things that inspire you. Read novels, listen to love songs, watch some romcoms. Anything that you can relate to will help you get into that romantic head space. Don’t use someone else’s words, however. Try putting what they said that resonated with you in to your own words instead. You don’t want to sound like someone else especially on your wedding day. You already know that your partner loves you just the way you are! (Yep. Channeling a little Bridget Jones’ Diary there…)

2. Spend some alone time as a couple

Writing can be a challenge when there’s too much noise either in your head or in your space. Escape the hustle and bustle and just enjoy each other’s company. Slip away for a weekend to a secluded location. Snag a trendy Vrbo or AiurBnB…even a cabin in the woods. Just spend a few days reflecting on your relationship and future. Time as an engaged couple doesn’t last long. Savor every moment.

3. Interview married couples you admire

Remember, writing your vows includes making promises to your partner for the future. Find out what makes a healthy marriage work. Check in with couples whose marriages you look up to. The insight they share. Whether it’s from a one year marriage or fifty golden years together. Their experience will be invaluable to your own marriage and your vows. Plus, wouldn’t it be to interview your parents? Your grandparents? Even your favorite married friends? Learn about their love and how their relationship has evolved over the course of their marriage then weave their advice into your vows.

4. Meet up with your partner’s best friend

While you may think that no one knows your partner as well as you do, there’s one person who might. Their best man or maid of honor! Besides wanting to have a great friendship with the person who is so important to your future spouse, spending quality one-on-one time with them may give you some unique insight for what to write in your vows.

They could share a funny story you’ve never heard. Your partner’s reaction to your first date. Even a memory that slipped your mind. Don’t underestimate how special it is to hear how loved ones view your relationship. Learn about what they find so exceptional about your love. 

If you’re not sure where to start you can share your vows privately. Then during the ceremony, you can either exchange traditional vows or have your Best Man and Maid of Honor read your first conversation from you dating app. It is sweet and unexpected. It provides a unique insight into how you met and how far they’ve come.

5. Write each other love letters

Many wedding vows take the form of a love letter, so write one! Sitting together back to back. Write each other love letters that you won’t share until your wedding day. Not only will you cherish this utterly romantic memory, but you’ll cherish those love letters as well.

To make your love letter a little more personal, write it down in a customized vow book. This will create a keepsake of your vows and ensure that they don’t end up as a crumpled piece of paper in the back of a drawer. Being able to revisit your promises to each other is important to your relationship as a married couple. Having your vows written in a book also creates beautiful images during your ceremony. A vow book gives you something to hold onto while you are exchanging vows. We all get nervous, and a shaking piece of paper or holding your phone isn’t something you want in your wedding photos.

6. Tell someone the story of how you met 

Most of the people in your life probably know the story of how you met your fiance. But retelling it to someone who has never heard it can be pretty magical. Recalling all of the little things that brought you together, knowing what you know now, makes your story feel like the greatest fairytale ever told. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself laughing or even crying, especially if you share the moment you realized this was the person you wanted to spend your whole life with!

7. Remember to be yourself

Professing your love to your person in front of your wedding guests is incredibly special and romantic. But, instead of aiming to find the perfect words simply speak straight from the heart. Whether you include inside jokes, a memory, or something that is unique to your relationship, the most important thing is to be yourself. Don’t write anything that makes you a crowd-pleaser, unless you really feel what you are saying. Remember that when you’re there, facing your partner, the true meaning of what you wrote is going to dawn on you, so it had better be real.

Keep your vows short, three to four lines max. You may not be aware of the effect the intensity of the moment will have on you. Even if you are usually cool and collected you may find yourself overwhelmed by emotion. Personal vows are what make your wedding feel real, so make an effort to write what is in your heart.  

8. Practice reading our vows aloud 

Once you have your vows written, practice reading them. Writing your vows is one thing. Reading them out loud is another. You can write your feelings down but sometimes when you read them aloud it just doesn’t sound quite right. Plus, if you have a chance to read them out loud, you can add pauses (remember to breathe) and can make sure you don’t stumble over any sections. Take some time to rephrase those phrases that give you trouble. It will also let you hear your words to make sure they don’t sound awkward. Use this opportunity to get comfortable with them. When the time comes to recite your vows on your wedding day, you’ll be filled with emotions. Knowing your vows by heart will help as eyes get watery and your hands get shaky.

9. Keep your vows a secret

Sharing your vows with your partner can take away half of the nerves about reciting them. But hear us out. Don’t peek. And don’t let your partner peek either!  Your wedding vows are a unique opportunity to tell them your deepest feelings and thoughts. It’s possible that some of these emotions haven’t ever been shared.  It’s both sweet and sentimental. Think about ways to bring personal touches to your vows. Take this moment as a chance to say all that you have left unsaid. This is a celebration of your love. So keep your vows secret until the ceremony. Your vows are a gift to one another, so don’t share them in advance.

10. Short and simple vows

If you’re fumbling or worried about reading your vows aloud on the day of, keep them short and simple. Most feelings can be expressed in under a minute. If you are feeling particularly nervous about speaking in front of your guests on the day of, take the pressure off yourselves. By keeping it short and simpley you won’t have any extra nerves to worry you. 

The experience of recounting your relationship history can play an interesting role in crafting your vows, as you have a recent refresher on the timeline of your love. Not to mention, you’re probably giddy with the same butterflies you had way back when which can be the perfect touch to your heartfelt vows.