Cutting Down Your Wedding Guest List

Like most brides, when it comes to planning, certain aspects like finding the dress and brainstorming decor ideas are exciting. The wedding guest list can be a real cause for anxiety, though. Figuring out how to cut down the wedding guest list down to 120 people to accommodate the budget is a real challenge. We have a few tips to help you tackle this task.

Re-Envision Your Wedding. Focus on the Essentials.

With Instagram and Pinterest its easy to dream big when it comes to your wedding vision. Realistically this may not fit within your preset wedding budget. Keep in mind that for each person you invite you you have to provide food, drinks and dessert. In addition they need a chair at a table with linens, a place setting and decor. All these numbers will increase exponentially with the numbers on your wedding guest list.

The first set you need to take is a tough one. You have to break up with your Pinterest/Instagram fantasy wedding and fully embrace your “new” one with open arms. It’s hard because you (hopefully) only get married once so you want it to be everything you ever dreamed of. As much as you might obsessed with your dream concept, in order to plan a more intimate celebration you may have to mentally shift gears. Hiring a planner should be a non-negotiable since they can actually save you money in the long run. Between vendor connections and discounts and limitless knowledge they can really take the edge off.

The next step is to discuss the guest list. Considered things from all angles. Just always remember what the wedding is all about. It is about finding the love of your life and your commitment to that person forever. It isn’t just about a party. Having the people there who will be most happy for you finding The One should be at the top of your list.

Be Realistic With Your Wedding Guest List

First, start with a master list. This includes everyone. All the people you think you should invite, are thinking about inviting or whose wedding you attended within the past two years. Then you start cutting. Here are our tips to keep in mind as you decide who makes the cut to attend your wedding.

Start The Process

1. Do you live in the same city as the potential guests? Do you ever see them outside of events organized by mutual friends?

If you answered NO then they do not get an invitation.

2. When you visit the town where the potential guests live, do you call them or plan to see them?

If you answered NO then they shouldn’t be insulted when you don’t send them an invite.

3. Do you wonder “What do they want?” when they call you?

If you answered YES then they should not be at your wedding.

4. You’ve successfully managed to negotiate the rocky road of friendship after you’ve had an intense relationship with them. It’s usually best if you don’t automatically invite them. They are part of your past. Not your future.

Your fiancee comes first in your life. Ahead of anybody else. Even if they don’t mind there’s probably a tiny part of them that does.

5. Co-workers are tricky. We suggest you apply the “except for” test.

If the company went out of business tomorrow and you were no longer working together, would you continue to be friends with them? In other words, except for your job, do you have anything in common?

6. Your boss. This is another invite that you don’t need to send.

In the past this invite was a given. This is no longer the custom. And to be honest, how comfortable would you feel if your boss was there? It’s an intimate occasion. You need to feel relaxed among your guests.

7. You’re the boss.

Don’t feel you have to invite your colleagues or employees. In business it’s best to maintain a little distance. Your wedding is certainly a personal occasion not a business meeting. Let’s keep it that way.

8. Has the potential guest ever met your fiancee?

If you answered NO then they don’t need to receive an invite. They shouldn’t meet your spouse for the first time at your wedding.

9. Family matters. Your parents or your fiancee’s parents want to invite friends of theirs that neither of you know. Or barely remember.

They should help offset the costs. It isn’t fair for them to ask you to play without helping to pay. If the bride’s family is paying for the wedding, she gets more invites than her future spouse. If the happy couple is paying for the wedding themselves, they should share invites equally.

10. “Plus ones” or guests of guests. The “no ring, no bring” is a nice rule, but it isn’t always realistic.

People in your wedding party get to bring a guest. For everyone else, if you haven’t met the person’s significant other than you shouldn’t feel obligated to extend an invitation. Unless somebody is engaged or living with them in a committed relationship.

11. Embarrassing relatives.

You’ve got an uncle who always gets drunk at weddings and makes inappropriate comments. Don’t invite him. You don’t want to feel on edge and on the lookout the entire evening.

12. In the same vein, avoid inviting badly behaving friends.

Friends from college might have been the life of the party. The trouble is that they still are living the party life. This behavior is quickly losing its charm. You don’t want somebody being outrageous at your wedding and causing a scene. Think carefully before you send an invitation.

13. Don’t feel obligated to invite relatives you never see.

Your second cousin once removed on your father’s side of the family, for example. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean they’re automatically on the guest list. Your friends know you, these people don’t.

14. Neighbors, back in the day.

They might have been a big part of family life when you were a kid. These days we recommend that unless you’re still really good friends leave them off the list.

15. Not crazy about inviting kids to the party?

Don’t feel bad about having an adults-only wedding. Many couples decide to go this route, whether it’s a budget and spacial issue or more a matter of atmosphere. It’s also perfectly okay to have children in your wedding party and still have an adults-only wedding. Just be careful to not make exceptions and let other family members or close friends bring their kids to the reception. It’s completely fair for you to want a child-free wedding. Especially if it will help you stay within budget and venue limitations.

16. Having a large number of guests 10 and under? Hire a babysitter for the ceremony.

Have them sit with in a separate room to avoid disruption. At the reception, set up a children’s table. Offer them favors, crayons, coloring books, small toys, and games. Don’t forget to ask your caterer to prepare kid meals so you don’t have to pay for grown-up meals.

17. Pick your priorities.

Decide what is more important to you. More guests or a specific venue. Then go from there.

18. Other potential marginal invitees.

Consider is what kind of guest they would make. Can they carry a table? Table carriers are those people who can play the role of MC/host because nobody knows each other. They are particularly good at a “leftovers” table. Many people won’t bother to talk to fellow wedding guests unless they are prompted.

Communicate Effectively (and Efficiently)

If you have a larger than anticipated list and you know that there will be questions about why you chose to invite certain people over others. You and your partner should be prepared for questions. Be sure you have the same answers. Remember, you are now a united front. A team of two.

Prepare for Hurt Feelings

Weddings always come with a touch of inevitable drama. No-one anticipates not being invited. Unfortunately, some people will take your decision more personally than you anticipate. Lead with the fact that you’re also hurt. But, at the same time, this is also your wedding. It’s important for you to stand your ground and not go in to debt over your wedding guest list. If it’s really going to be a hard conversation, like with someone you haven’t seen in awhile, here are a few additional pointers.

• Plan a dinner or time after the wedding when you can sit down and visit.
• Ask them to be there virtually.
• Explain how much it means to you that they understand. That your venue restrictions or you budget just couldn’t accommodate the wedding guest list you had hoped for. This wasn’t something you specifically wanted. They are still a big part of your life!

Potential invites that you’re still on the fence about? Think about your relationship with this person five years from now. Is there a chance you will look at wedding pictures and say, “Who is that? I cannot believe they were at my wedding!” If that is the case, perhaps make them a B-Lister…

Wedding Guest A Listers and B Listers

Still having trouble? We recommend creating an A-List and a B-List. The A list are people you must have at your wedding. Close family members and wedding party members. The B list are people you’d like to be there but who aren’t absolutely crucial. Who qualifies for the B list? Someone you worked with a few years ago. Someone haven’t kept in constant touch with. Your wedding day isn’t a reunion. It’s about you celebrating your union.

Break down your master wedding guest list. The A-list consists of the must-have invites you can’t imagine not being at your wedding. Your family members and close friends. They’ll receive your first round of invitations. Anyone not essential, and no, we don’t mean people you don’t like. Rather people you might be able to skip. They are added to the B-list. These are people you’d enjoy having at your wedding but who don’t necessarily get an invite in the first round. It’s completely fine to add plus-ones to your B list too. If it turns out you do have the budget for your nephew’s new girlfriend you can always invite her later. If you start getting RSVPs and it turns out you have enough “regrets,” then start sending invites to your B-list in order of importance.

Like any set of rules, there are always exceptions. Use your best judgment. Finally, you need to be prepared for that incredibly painful moment when someone says, “Congratulations! Am I invited?” Here’s a wonderful opportunity to deploy a phrase that you’ll use countless times after you have said your vows. “Let me check with my future spouse/partner and get back to you.”